Battling the elements!

A little memorandum from the weeks(!) that has passed that will give you an insight in the every day struggle of your Hero, Minister of Art & Jump. Consider the following: Your Hero is (in a way in a very picturesque surroundings), out there battling the elements with a 5 Ton Tractor of the Ministry:
The hero red-eyed and unshaven, a twitch at his left eye as he realizes that once again during the week must journey forth to battle the elements. [Close-up shots in the cab of the tractor, eye really twitching now]. Cue aggressive music (maybe “Heavy Machinery” by Alan Holdsworth with those brothers who used to play with the silly Yngvie Malmsteen). Our hero tries to shift gears, but the transmission is frozen. Now the cursing really kicks up a notch and gets more creative…..flowing out in a mish-mash of several languages. As the tractor finally lurches forward and picks up speed, our hero lets out an inarticulate whoop, raising his hands in glee and spilling his tequila screwdriver in the process. It freezes into an orange slick on his snow suit. His strangled cry of victory can almost be heard above the swirling winds as he smashes into the first snowdrift.

But then the tractor stalls in the stiff, heavy snow. Our hero’s mad exuberance deflates like a party balloon on a Sunday morning, replaced with a guttural, growing growl that seems to waver in time to the eye twitch….a kind of facial tremolo effect. The cursing has become entirely inarticulate now, and our hero’s face has become a bruised shade of purple. The howls of a lost soul can now be clearly heard outside in the blizzard, were there anything living out there to hear them.

Slowly, after a thousand cruelties of false starts, the engine kicks over and the tractor roars to life. Our hero lets out a strangled, wordless cry and shifts into reverse. After retreating to really leave space for a fast run-up, he pushes the accelerator to the floor and screams unto the heavens (spilling his drink on the dashboard and obscuring the dials in a colorful crust). The tractor surges forward and picks up speed. With tremendous inertia it crashes into the recalcitrant snow bank.

And the tractor stalls. Nature has triumphed again. Our hero slumps against the wheel and is still. The half-consumed tequila drops to the floor.

One Response to “Battling the elements!”

  1. Ministry Blog » Blog Archive » Snow-chains mounted Says:

    […] news at the Ministry is that the snow-chains are mounted on the tractor! We are preparing to dig our way out if this weather persists, which it seems it […]